i only have eyes for you

unknown

as i walk away

celinaaa.blogg.no

Listen,

I tried so desperately to let go of you. To kick you out of my heart, my mind, my dreams. I tried my hardest for you. I tried my hardest for me. And I succeeded...for awhile. I ignored the tug at my heart every time I saw you hug her instead of me. I ignored the jealousy that would start to flair up when you laughed with some other girl,or when you tickled her. I was so used to being the one you would always have your hands on, so used to it being between us... absentmindedly touching each others arms, playing with bracelets, rubbing your back, you tickling me tortuously. And you not... was weird and different and new. I didn't like it. So I became numb to it, I didn't let it affect me at least not to where anyone can see and eventually it became habit. I fully convinced myself I was over you, I didn't need you like that, I stopped wanting you that way. So I allowed myself to flirt with you more because it was just so much easier that way, I let some of my caution go and you put up a wall. Suddenly I wasn't allowed to see the beautiful complex garden that was your heart, I lost the key and it killed me. I asked why you resented me being near you you said you didn't I was just to close you didn't want her hearing anything, I told you over and over again it didn't mean anything and I meant it.

But that was then, now I'm not so sure. Because now I'm having these weird aches for you to tickle me again or play with my back or not let you go when you hug me (which is so rare in comparison to how many times you used to hug me) its not like you aren't still a huge part of my life, I mean you are and will be for a long time my best friend. But I think there will always be a part of me that will love you that way, that will subconsciously long for an us, that will be jealous when you have a girlfriend, that will want you to hold me close and kiss me. And I know that to keep our friendship I'm going to have to give that up, or at least bury it down in the deepest darkest corners of my heart.

Ours is a good story, the kind that they make movies about. The love, anger, tears, attraction, long late night conversations, the pain, the friendship; and the best part is we didn't even date. We went to school together since 6th grade but never really talked, friendship circles and stuff like that. But I had a massive crush on you. Last year though by some really really perfect act of God we became the best of friends. And we fell for each other, I especially fell hard and fast. You were so perfectly imperfect, but you had a bad relationship fall apart even worse the year before so we talked about dating but never really tried it out. You were so cautious with your heart, I look back on it now and marvel at some of the things you allowed me to see making me ever more grateful of the chance and the trust to see them. I was reckless with my own, I pushed for it, over and over again and each time falling painfully. You broke my falls sometimes, soothing me, talking sense into me, explaining the reasons I already knew, reassuring me. Loving on me. And I tried so hard to give you as much as my emotional self as I could but you would never let me, you would always gently reject it, making taking it back so much harder. I wonder now if you were trying to protect me from pain you had already experienced. A pain that I was willing to go through if only you would be mine. There are things you told me that would elate me, and, to this day are still etched almost perfectly into my memory. And what a memory i have, you are my favorite sweetest most painful memory to this day. Eventually all that struggling wore us both out, things happened and we both needed a chance to breathe, to untangle from this complex life. So we awkwardly continued a friendship as the summer lazily drifted by, not surprisingly that didn't last long. The first time i saw you over the summer i got hit with that feeling so hard that it damn near knocked me breathless, watching you, so happy, so glowingly lovely made me fall yet again. And I think you reconsidered too. So one day totally jokingly i said we should go out and you told me how much that had scared you, we both laughed about it and i filed it away mentally. You always loved to play tricks on me and would scare me so bad i was close to tears, and one day after a particularly frightful one i decided to get revenge. "Seriously babe, lets go out." were the words on a very fateful text, you didn't believe me for a long time, and the more i fake convinced you. the more i honestly convinced myself. How quickly I realized i was quite serious about it. The timing was so terrible i was leaving for Florida that week, we danced around the idea, the solid idea of us. something that had always been avoided before. Sometime during this period of indecision we went to the movies, it was a great night, you put your arm around me, we held hands and i felt so wonderfully safe in your arms, it just felt right. Eventually we made up our minds, well mostly you, but your logic was so painfully true, you were right we would've been to serious. But sometimes i wonder about the better as friends, because until very very recently that wasn't working out too well either.

As of today i cant and therefore wont like you. I'm promising this to us both. Neither of us can afford the emotional turmoil it puts us through nor do we want it. As i walk away though just know this. You will always be my first love. Darling, whatever happens in the future, whether a repeat of that painfully beautiful past or something as equally beautiful and new, you will be forever engraved in my heart. It was yours first. Our story may have happened to others, but sweetheart, believe me it was one of a kind. Hand painted by two people who were scared, and nervous, and utterly not ready for the roller coaster it was.

-A

i want you

tumblr

you are mine

xanga

I met you. It was a strange sort of way too. I had been working at a supermarket for the summer and it closed down, but the employees were moved to a new store just across the road. For me, it wasn't a life long kind of job, just a typical summer gig, so i almost half considered not even taking up the offer. But i did. It's situations like these that make you recognize fate's existence. I noticed you before any other boy. You were one of the first ones to reach out to me as the new girl. You had the funniest personality i had ever encountered and i looked forward to working those late night midnight shifts with you that we hardly ever got together, but i loved them as long as you kept me company. Your smile was perfect and you had the prettiest green eyes i had ever seen. You were perfect. And while we grew close as friends, you had such a huge wall built up it was near impossible to break it down. And after hearing from so many people that were close to you that you weren't exactly the "relationship kind of guy", i gave up.

I hurt you. I kept you strapped in and stuck on my emotional roller coaster from heartbreak hell. And i hated myself for it. It turned out that you liked me, but you were too late. I had already started something with my ex, so we stayed friends. When my ex and I fell apart, you listened to me cry for hours on the phone and all the horrible stories of my pathetic attempts at trying to understand what went wrong with my past relationship. You were there for me always, and it killed you, i know it did even though you never said a word about it then. You just stood by and tried to pick up the pieces with me. We continued where we left off and i came home for the holidays. It seemed like everything was going good, but my heart still belonged to someone else and as much as i wanted to give it to you, i just couldn't. I was so broken and it just wasn't fair to you. I held onto you because i didn't want to lose you. I had feelings for you, i just wasn't ready to give you all of me, and you were ready to give me all of you. You showed up at my apartment at school, three hours away, on Valentines Day like some perfect movie boy because after all, this stuff only happens in movies, right? Your type of guy isn't real, and certainly wasn't what i was used to. And in that moment, i knew i couldn't hurt you anymore. I had to let you go, for your own happiness.

I missed you. In between the months that we didn't talk, i met other guys, and even though they may have filled the empty void in my bed for the night, they didn't fill what i knew was missing. No one else was like you. No one made me laugh like you did, no one could get as close to me as you did, no one had a smile as pretty as yours, or a heart as big as yours. Nothing came close. I missed you- so, so much. I'd see other girls write on your wall on facebook and i'd wonder if you still cared about me or if you were moving on- if you had found someone else. I knew that letting you go was the right thing to do, but it hurt so bad. I knew keeping you around until i was ready would have been so unfair, but i wanted you, one day. So the summer i came home from school, i started talking to you again, like nothing happened hoping that something would. We hung out again and you let me back into your life. I texted you one night and brought up how i thought i still had feelings for you and you dismissed it, saying you thought we'd be better off just staying friends. That hurt so bad and it scared me, but still, i hurt you, so i had to respect that. We kept it simple in between and did our own thing, until we hung out that night. Twenty-one years old and we both sat on a bench in a playground, just talking about everything. And that's when you gave in and we both agreed to be together but not really together, and just see how things went. I finally felt like i had you back, even if it was for a little.

I loved you. It was different this time around. We spent every single day together and i never got sick of you, i only wanted more. We went out, we took little roadtrips, we held hands, we stayed in, we fought, we kissed, we forgave, we stayed up late, we talked, we cried, we laughed, we yelled, we met new people, and everything in between. And in that time, i fell in love with you. I fell so crazy, ridiculously in love with you. That's when i knew, i couldn't let you go again. I had to keep you.

I have you. Not always, not as much as i want to, but you're mine. I'm three hours away from you at school, and you're three hours away from me back home, and the distance keeps us apart but there's not a second during the day that slips by without you being on my mind. And even now, as i sit on my bed, in a t shirt that still smells like you from our hug goodbye this morning, typing this story, when i should be doing my homework- i'm thinking of you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me something new and something beautiful. I never thought i would ever feel this way about someone again, i figured i'd just always settle. But you proved everything i've ever thought, wrong. I miss you so much when you aren't with me, but i live for the weekends that i know i'll get to see you. I hate seeing other couples on campus, holding hands and doing everything that they probably take for granted together, but i'd rather go crazy over distance with you than have it easy with anyone else. I hate myself for our past and what i put you through, but i don't think i'd love you as much if we didn't go through what we did. You really are my best friend, above all, and i fall more in love with you every time i pick up the phone and you're on the other end, or when you pop up in my little skype box, and most of all when you get out of your car and i stop missing you because you're finally right in front of me. I'm not going anywhere and i'll never let you go again. Distance is hard, but we've been through worse. I hope this is it, because i honestly can't ever see myself finding someone better for me. You are mine.

- K.

real

ffffound

don’t let go of me now

weheartit

Love is something I’ve been cautious of. You know this, because you were there when he broke my heart. It had been coming for a while, but that night my world shattered. You saved me. I lost myself in you quickly, you were everything I needed. You never pressured me, and you kissed me in ways he hadn’t in months. You knew where I was coming from, because you had done it to her.

Love is not something I was looking for. I just needed an escape, but falling asleep in your arms night after night and your perfect smile caught me off-guard. We were never too serious, but we were each others. We needed each other to mend. And so we did.

It has been almost a year and a half since I could spend my every day with you. You left, and I went to discover the world. Somehow, we never stopped being each other’s. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.

Now, we hang in limbo. The way I need you never seems to fade, but yours comes and goes like the wind. You tell me you love me, and then you fight with your heart and try to keep yourself away. Of course it isn’t easy, but we’ve always made it work. We’re both hanging on for the time in our lives where we end up in the same place. We both know it’s going to be worth it.

So whatever you do, just don’t let go of me now.

your last

unknown